Blind Date Surprise

“This is such a nice place you have! So mature!”

“Thanks…”

“And you said you have roommates?”

“Yeah… they are out of town. So we have the WHOLE place to ourselves.. for the entire night.”

“Sounds like a plan! Can’t wait for all our adventures! Where would you like to go for dinner?”

“You are the lady! It is up to you! I never expected to be going on a blind date nowadays with all the apps for dating and everything! Glad you could swing by my place first for a drink to get to know each other before just going out in public! Courtney only told me that you work as an RN and are very beautiful. She wasn’t lying!”

“Aww, that’s so sweet. Well… speaking of lying…. Is roommates a fancy word for parents? I know you still live at home with mom & dad. Times are tough nowadays, I understand.”

“Oh… yeah… sorry to disappoint. I should have my own place by next… month.”

“That’s nice. And blind date? That’s a cute name for what she asked me to do.”

“… What are you talking about? She told me she wanted to set me up on a blind date with her friend, Britni. Said it would be a great match and you would come first then go to dinner. How did she word it to you?”

“She mentioned how you’ve been extremely misogynistic lately. How you blame the flaws of women on the fact that you can’t get a date. How you put your privilege above the rights women should have. And that you called a few girls in town fat!”

“That’s not completely true! I just said they could lose a few pounds!”

“But you can’t say those types of things to women! Fat-shaming not going to get you anywhere with a girl like me!”

“Sorry if it’s like that. But if you didn’t come for a date… then what is your REAL reason for coming over.”

“To punish you! Courtney said to come over to give you a FULL MAKEOVER. That’s right… we are still going out to dinner, but you are going AS A GIRL! I brought that big bag for a reason. Has everything we need to strip you of your masculinity and get you to learn to respect women! Going to do your makeup, put fake lashes on you, do your nails, and have some really big b**bs for you along with some other body assessments! They’ll glue on so you don’t need to worry about passing. Just try to keep your feminine voice up!”

“No way in hell! Do you actually think you can get me to agree to that?”

“Who said I can’t do things by force… I have my ways… You can pick ONE thing out of the entire night… Where we go to eat… and make sure it’s not terrible.”

_____

“Can you please make an effort to act more ladylike! 

“This giant chicken sandwich is so good though! And this place is like frat boy central.”

“Can you at least chew with your mouth closed? You’re getting sauce everywhere.”

ladylike napkin dab “Is this better?”

“Not by a long shot. And try sitting up straight. Girls don’t hunch like that. And don’t ruin your makeup! It took us long enough to make you over.”

“Okay, queen!”

“After we finish here. There’s this bar down the street.. I know the bartender. He will take care of us.”

“So our date continues!?”

“It’s not a date! Stop calling it that. Actually I think I want to make the night a little better for you… Once the music starts. I want to see you twerk on a guy and know what it feels like. Don’t worry I’ll make sure you are safe.”

“Speaking of ladylike, is that the type of conversation women have at the dinner table? We are at Capt. Jimmy’s House of Hen… not Elle Fantaisie with white napkins. I shouldn’t have let you pick this spot! And this salad is terrible.”

“Come on… have some fun.”

“You seem to not be complaining about this as much as I thought you would… I wonder if that’s a sign of something.”