Making Amends CH3 - A New Day

Yeah, Daniel's definitely on the shorter end of the stick. The world is meant to be a woman's world, which I hope seems clear by this point on top of Daniel having his own familial issues. Though, the argument can be made that Rose is somewhat a product of the society that they live in... Glad you're enjoying it!

I love how everywhere you turn, the world is very obviously not built for danial. Everything is wrong, the world iss wrong, but it is normal, because the whole world is wrong. Rose's place is even more wrong. This world is hostile towards those who don't fit, not that our world is much different at all really. I enjoyed this one.

Min

There will likely always be parts in a story that don't resonate with every reader. I imagine that even extends to the writers themselves. In general I doubt clichés or even things like sloppy sentences or 1-dimensional minor characters (as an example) bother many people if the writing itself is solid and enjoyable. Personally, I like clichés if they are used well and/or don't derail the story. I find it hard to quantify when that would happen, but I know when they do or don't annoy me. What I've read from you it certainly doesn't bother me, and given how quickly you Patreon has grown I think you're safe ;)

Yes, it has been a little bit since the other chapters. This was and still is intended to be a once-a-month thing, and I feel a bit more confident with keeping to schedule moving forward. And yes, it would seem that Rose and Naomi are taking some special vitamins... Surely just for everyday energy, of course! Rose seems awfully open-minded to me. I think she'll love his apartment! And that's a good question about his lease. I wonder if she would have a right? Probably not. If I had to guess, the apartment is between Daniel and maybe his mom. Who knows? And also, Naomi can't be a mommy, she's a maid already! Jokes aside, thank you for reading!

Thank you for the comment! My disclaimer for the very first chapter was because of the notice that I was given about some of the things that this commissioner wanted to include. I put it like that because my first impression of this story was something that doesn't quite hit the same vibe as what I'm writing now. Quite possibly there will be things of the milk variety, which isn't something I'm against; I've written that sort of stuff before. I suppose the scenario and themes are what's sort of new/different for me, but I will do my best to take a nuanced approach to it. Also, thanks for the compliment on the paragraph! Sometimes I feel like my stuff is real hit or miss, and that likely is the case, but glad to hear this hit for ya, lol. And also, when I write things I hope I'm given an "allowance" by the audience to spend on some clichés that won't feel quite as cheap in my stories! Thank you!

Hey there, thanks for giving it a re-read, and given how things work for this commission, the releases are definitely slower than bi-weekly stuff. In an ideal scenario, this is a once-a-month type of story at worst. I won't get into details on plot yet to be seen or how characters will develop, but all I can say is that I hope to make it an enjoyable presentation. Given that it's a commission I'm limited in what I can do for steering, but I think I have enough play to make it another entertaining story. Thank you for the comment!

After you posted this I went ahead and finished reading the first one and got caught up. I really wasn’t getting into it but I was bored. Now I’m interested. Both in reading the world building and intrigued by the bit of mystery you’ve added with the sister. I bet Naomi will end up being in charge of both him and his sister. Probably because the sister finds some side effects or something unethical about the drugs and the company as been paying Naomi to keep an eye on the sister and if she causes trouble to keep her quiet and so she probably shrinks her back down to her original size and treats her as a child as well just to both keep her quiet and make it seem she’s not mentally right so no one would believe her if she did manage to say something. That’s my prediction anyways.

Guilend

I like it so far. This story makes me want to know more about the world. There have been some 'milk' hints I've noticed to far, and given your description before ch1 I'm guessing we'll see more of that. Also, this paragraph: *“Kay, let’s get our shoes on!” Big sister announced. Though, Rose was already wearing shoes. In other words, more putting the “team” in “I,” only the shoe was on the other foot. Completely figuratively.* Amazing! Turning common sayings on their head like that is great. It's the kind of clever wordplay I'd almost expect in a Neil Gaiman story, though in a way I've not seen before. It's funny, I think this only works because of the quality of the writing as a whole. If that paragraph was in a sloppily written story, I suspect it would have just annoyed me, but here it was a nice bit of comic relief. Can't wait till the next chapter!

It had been so long since you had posted the others I had to go re-read this from the start. I find it a really interesting world you're creating, where I assume his sister has some sort of pills that are making her and Naomi grow bigger. I have a feeling she's going to take one look at his apartment and refuse to let him stay there. From what the world building looked like at the beginning I'm guessing she'll have some sort of right to insist too. Maybe Naomi is a new mommy though?

babysofia1234